Of Dogs, Bugs and D Cups
by Alcyone23
Summary: Kiba and Shino discover that Hinata is well-developed. Very well-developed. Birthday crack!present for Gabzillaz.


**Author's Notes:** This is a birthday present for Gabzillaz, who rocks more than anyone should be allowed to rock. As such, expect rampant Team 8 interaction, more crack than is moral _or_ legal and reference after reference after reference to her art (there are so many I should probably disclaim them). In _fact_, I will write a story for whoever manages to catch all of the references. I'll work out details with the winner. kthanxbai 8D

_For Gabzy, the only woman I'd sell my soul for (if I hadn't already sold it for sarcasm). Happy birthday, babe! _

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**Of Dogs, Bugs and D-Cups**  
_Alcyone23_

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"_Yahoo_!"

The surrounding branches quivered under the force of the yell. Those animals that didn't freeze promptly dashed away. Among those who fled was a rare insect with iridescent wings.

Shino frowned.

Kiba whooped again, Akamaru barking joyfully in response. Hinata knelt a short distance from them, collecting flowers.

"Must you be so obnoxious?"

Kiba grinned. "You're just a hardass. Right, Hinata?"

Hinata flushed, anxious at the prospect of being dragged into another fight. "K-Kiba-kun doesn't mean it."

The boy in question snorted, but did not argue with her. Fighting with Hinata was like fighting with a newborn puppy; it just made him feel like a worthless excuse for a human being. Instead, he focused on his rumbling stomach. "I need a sammich."

"Sandwich," Shino corrected reflexively.

"Tch, whatever." Kiba mounted Akamaru, straddling the dog as if it were a horse. He glanced down and grinned. "Oi, Hinata, what do you think? Would I look awesome like a cowboy?"

She giggled.

Happy that her teammates were no longer fighting, Hinata turned back to her present task: finding the perfect flower. She had started a new project and needed a beautiful flower to serve as the centerpiece. Pressing flowers was soothing to her. And she liked to hand them out as gifts. Kiba and Shino had each received one, painstakingly designed to match their owner's personality. Kurenai-sensei had one too and she had been enthusiastic in her thanks.

Maybe she could give one to Naruto-kun when he returned. And maybe he would finally look at her, they could go out, even take pictures in the photo booth like she'd observed some couples do. Her mind wandered to her favorite daydream, one where she and Naruto married. A dreamy smile curled her lips until the scene reached the honeymoon. Imaginary Naruto demanded, "Sex!" and her imaginary self promptly fainted.

Even the very thought of approaching Naruto, who must be stronger than ever and even more amazing, had her flushing to a deep purple and feeling lightheaded.

The two boys noticed her abrupt color change, but did not wonder about it. Hinata flushing different shades of red for no observable reason was normal. Like Shikamaru declaring breathing to be too troublesome or Lee energetically shrieking about youth at six in the morning or Shino angsting about not being asked to the dance. Insane, but normal.

"Akamaru!" Kiba clapped his hands together. "Let's practice Dynamic Marking until it's kibalicious!" The dog barked joyfully.

Shino rolled his eyes. It was far too taxing to keep reminding Kiba that "kibalicious" was not a word and would never be one. For the sake of his sanity, he strode far away from the two animals. He was going to find that insect.

Hearing delighted yells behind her, Hinata smiled as she saw Kiba and Akamaru flying through the branches. Akamaru spun every once in a while, marking the area around him. Out of the corner of her eye, a splash of color caught her attention.

Approaching it carefully, she found a crevice large enough to fit her hand. Inside it was the flower she sought. Its petals were a brilliant blue, a color so bright it was almost painful to look at. Just like Naruto's eyes.

Hinata stuck her hand inside the gap, but found her jacket's bulging sleeves did not allow her to reach the flower.

While Hinata began undoing her bulky jacket, Shino had found the insect, a dragonfly to be precise. Its body was longer than usual and a deep emerald color. Its wings glimmered in the sunlight. It had settled on a fallen tree, spindly legs supporting its weight. With great patience, Shino moved forward, intent on capturing the insect without hurting it.

So focused was he on his goal that he failed to notice Kiba dropping from above until the Inuzuka's sandaled foot entered his field of vision.

And landed directly on the dragonfly.

"Whoo, that was a good training session, eh, Akamaru?" Kiba grinned at his white companion. Akamaru's tongue lolled outside his mouth, lips spread in a doggy grin. "Oh, hey, Shino."

It was only after a second look that he noticed the black cloud surrounding Shino wasn't the usual cloud of gloom and doom.

"Oi, what's up?"

"You. Killed. The. Dragonfly."

"What? No, I didn't. I—oh."

Kiba raised his foot. Shino, Akamaru and he stared at the crushed remains of the emerald dragonfly. Even as they watched, one iridescent wing twitched and fluttered slowly to the ground.

Kiba chuckled nervously. "So, uh, Shino, you see that hot girl from Suna?"

A loud buzzing noise emitted from under Shino's jacket. Akamaru whined.

"Shino, my man! Those shades really bring out the color of your eyes."

A stream of insects issued from Shino's sleeves.

"It's okay, man!" Kiba held his hands in front of him as if to ward off a blow. "There's probably another bug nearby!"

The cloud solidified.

"Shino, this is madness!"

"Madness?" Behind his sunglasses, Shino's left eye twitched. "This! IS! _JUSTICE_!"

Kiba shrieked, diving behind Akamaru. The dog's tail promptly ducked between its legs, its ears flattening against its head. It turned to run, its owner clinging to him like Ino on Sasuke. Shino's bugs surged forward, thirsty for blood. Or chakra. Or maybe they were just happy to get out.

"Just a…little…_further_!"

Hinata's sweet voice cut through the killing intent and terror. Boys and animals turned to look at their teammate—and looked. And stared. And gaped. And outright ogled.

"Are those D-cups?" Kiba refrained from blinking, not wanting to miss a single moment. He wasn't even flinching away from the cloud of insects frozen with their host's shock.

Shino did not answer.

The two boys continued staring as Hinata strained to reach flower inside a crevice. Her jacket was carefully folded on an oval stone a short distance from her. Her mesh shirt really hid nothing. And there was a lot of something.

Had Kiba been conscious of his thoughts, he might have been embarrassed at the sudden plunge in class. Not that there had been much, but he had some respect towards his female teammate. Hinata was always so amiable and innocent that Kiba could never have imagined her in the scenarios he sometimes involved Ino and that hot special jounin who was kind of scary. As it was, his attention was fully riveted on the way _they_ just protruded, almost like straining to be freed. And when she reached her hand further into the rock, briefly losing her balance before recovering quickly, they quivered so, so…just_so_.

"Holy…_fuck_," he said, awed. "_That_ is kibalicious."

Shino blinked. Even if he had been given to speaking, he was much too stunned to verbalize anything or stare Kiba down for his idiocy.

Ino had the personality to be stacked. Sakura would not be surprising. Even Tenten… But Hinata? Shy, quiet, polite to a fault Hinata? Not even Tsunade when they'd first seen her was so…in your face.

For the first time, Kiba and Shino found themselves on the same wavelength.

As Hinata continued to struggle for her flower, Akamaru slunk forward and snagged her jacket. The massive dog quickly returned to its master's side. Still not taking his eyes off Hinata's generous assets, Kiba took it from Akamaru's mouth and wordlessly handed it to Shino. The bug user hid it behind his back, a different type of insect escaping from his body.

With a small cry of victory—and a jiggle that made Kiba's and Shino's thoughts deteriorate further—Hinata snagged the flower and arched back triumphantly. They followed, bouncing proudly.

Kiba was going to need a cold shower.

Hinata giggled lightly as she stroked one blue petal. She turned to the rock where she'd laid her jacket and paused. Eyes narrowing in question, she glanced around the area.

"Have you two seen my jacket?" she asked.

"Jacket? What jacket?" Kiba responded too fast. Shino subtly ground his heel on Kiba's toes.

"Did you misplace it?" Shino asked politely, ignoring Kiba's muffled shriek of pain.

Hinata nodded. "It was right here." She pointed at the rock.

Shino was thankful that Hinata was so innocent she didn't consider using Byakugan to find it.

"Maybe you left it somewhere else," Kiba spoke up helpfully.

"But it was right _here_," Hinata protested weakly. She set her fists on her hips, shoulders thrown back and Kiba's thoughts derailed again. "Are you _sure_ you haven't seen my jacket?"

"One hundred percent sure," answered Kiba. Shino was silent, as usual. Akamaru whined comfortingly and covered the buzz of Shino's insects indulging on Hinata's jacket.

Hinata sighed and crossed her arms under her ample chest. Shino had to turn away, one finger held delicately over his nose. Kiba passed out as the sudden bulging of Hinata's chest instigated a certain bulge on his body that drained the blood from his head. When he came to, Shino and Hinata were peering at him. And Hinata was right _there_.

Screw one shower. He was going to need at least fourteen if he ever expected to greet Hinata without any reaction that would result in his death (or strange and unusual punishment) at the hands of her overprotective and slightly psychotic cousin.

And he really didn't want to end up mummified in the hospital. Again.


End file.
